dammit.
every time my dad calls i am a bit apprehensive. i always fear that he is calling for one of two reasons. something bad happened to my cats. or something bad happenesd to my mom. tonight it was the latter. she's in the hospital. again. i'm not going to go into it but i don't know if it's bad or not. he couldnt really tell me the last time i talked to him. well. that's nice. he's thinking it might be a weekend visit, and if not it might end up with me needing to go home for the weekend. i want more than anything to go home tomorrow but because 1. i have to personally hand in a paper that i've yet to finish typing, and 2. i volunteered myself to take over a class for a prof that is out of town, going to my parent's place isn't really an option. i feel like such a bad daughter. i want to spend the appropriate amount of time worrying over this, but i can't. if i start, i won't be able to stop. and since there is the seminar paper looming over my head, also has to be done this weekend, i dont have the luxury of being able to worry about the only mother i've got. well. i'm not talking about the election anymore. i refuse to talk about the issues at work. all i will say that professionally, personally, and patriotically this has been one of the most disappointing, draining and awful weeks i've had in a very long time. every cell in my body is telling me to just say fuck it all and go to bed and not work on school. my parents would kill me. i know i can't let myself relax but goddammit i just want things to settle down. is it too much to ask for things to start going right in the world?
i think my mask of sanity is about to slip.
