slippery when schizophrenic
yes. very slippery on this night. nothing makes sense, yet everything does make sense. you do not think as such. though. i am more sober than you could ever imagine.do not let the typing fool you. my mind... it opens. ans says... what it should not. you just do not want to hear it. any maybe i do not either. we are not ready. for it. for us. i tried to give you up. we tried, you tried, i tried. truly. we are addicted to one another. which doesn not sound healthy, but is, in the very least, comforting, no? it's not as though you were gold to me. you are self centered. not giving without wanting something in return. and yet. you are there. you understand. you help. i want to be able to hate. forget you. erase you. i know i am not capable of this. however. the next time a man touches me it will be full of malice and spite. in spite of myself. i will think of you. i still feel you. we played our game for too long, and now i cannot break from it. you know i would do anything to make you happy. content. take away the pain. even i am not that great. that strong. you took my pain and i have nothing to give you back. except honestly. devotion. and above all, love. and yes,you know i love you back. i always did. but in this age shit like that means nothing to anyone. but me. it means something to me. bah. too long this has gone on. i cannot tell why i feel how i do. or why i go to such lengths to make you happy. think of you. when it only causes me grief. it doesn't matter. by the time i awake you will be gone. the other side of the country and this will mean nothing. so. no point to this. us. anything. it did mean something to me though, if that means anything. you will go on. get over your demons. i would give anything to make you happy. make it better. have taken it away. make you happy now. protect you with everything i can. but it is not my place. as it is not our time. no one knows what will be of the future. you never know, eh? waits. true love waits. like radiohead.
i'm not living, i'm just killing time... wrong place wrong time. us. my god, how i hate filling air with clutter that need not be said. but i never say it. i am awful like that, to you. but i do. you dont know what it does to me. how i miss you now. amd will more. it's not worth this. i will not sleep alone tonight. on this last night. you will be here. if only in my mind.
and i think we have lost something that may have been great. tambien somos lo que hemos perdido.
