"memory is a beautiful thing if you don't have to deal with the past."
before sunrise and before sunset are without question the best movies about love. period. none of that mushy bullshit that is unrealistic. it's what love fucking should be. for the cynical romantic, if you will.
-how do you feel about the word pussy?
-i... love it.
fucking a.
the french chick in the films has this wacky, neurotic outlook on love and all things like that. listening to her rant about how she feels too much or not at all, blah blah blah. i thought, well damn. that's just like me. if i were a little guitar playing french gal, she'd have been me. totally.
i never realized before how truly goofy ethan hawke looked when he was younger. like a little alien or something. but the older he gets, certainly the more appealing he has become. and i, in all my lovliness have indeed slept with an ethan hawke lookalike. yay for me.
these movies reaffirmed my desire to want to take a train trip. anywhere. and just watch the scenery go by. hell yeah.
festival express is a very very good dvd. the whole idea of people like janis joplin and the band and the grateful dead jamming together on a fucking train just blows my mind out. it's kind of sad though. cause i couldn't help but thinking, whilst watching janis doing that thing she does, thinking, well damn. in less than a year she'll be dead. yeah. this is how i think. depressing, no? the shaggy haired blue eyed hippy monster men truly were a beautiful creature. i so should have lived 40 years ago.
everything i've learned about the 60's & 70's i've learned from ken kesey, hunter thompson and tom wolfe. tom fucking wolfe. i love him. i mean i LOVE him. i would marry him. but god damn him. if i read the phrase "hooking up" one more damn time i am going to go apeshit. i hate that phrase, and i hate what it means. "hey, you wanna hook up tonight?" i mean, god damn. that sounds so fucking stupid. i'm not saying this is anything like a new years resolution or anything. i don't believe in those anyway. i'll make a resolution any time of the damn year thank you very much. anyway, casual sex is really not all sorts of wonderful that people think. it gets old. and it creates contempt. it doesn't work. no matter what anyone says. no one likes the feeling of being used, and if they do, then they are just fucked up.
no more meaningless sex. what's the point? sleeping with someone you actually love excites you on a completely different level than just fucking for the sake of fucking. that sort of thing is just a waste of time. especially when you have selfish lovers. and OH BOY, have i. it's the intimacy i crave. i think. not the actual sex. i can fucking do that on my own and have a much better time than with someone who is just in it for himself. still, i guess it's nice to have a few minutes of actually feeling like you're connected to someone. or needed. whatever. my point to this whole thing is, i'm done with all that bullshit. because really, that's all it is. people trying to avoid the fact that they would actually like to be with someone they care about, but don't have anything like that, so they go to their back up fuck buddy. ugh. there's another one i hate.
here i go referring to sex and the city again. so, this one time, one chick on there announced: this is the year i am getting married. even though she was not dating at the time of saying it. thing is, she actually did end up getting married. thing is, lately i've been having a similar sort of feeling. not about marriage. but something's telling me i'm going to fall mad in love with some dude at some point in the all too near future. now, don't ask me why. it's just a feeling i've got. you know... sometimes that happens. the idea/feeling of love can creep up on you, looming in the distance, just within your direct vision. but you know it's there. kind of sort of like death. :) oh hell. i don't know where i was meaning to go with all of this. maybe nowhere. it's the blue eyes that will get me in the end.
i gave my bathroom a good cleaning today. those mr. clean magic eraser dealies are pretty fucking cool.
"we're all each other's demons and angels."
