not a flashback.
i was actually reliving childhood. hallucinations can take you the most amazing places. i think i'm on the wings, the verge of something deep here. but we'll just have to see, won't we. riding tricycles again, at my grandma's. what? i guess it's like an escape. this whole thing. from everything. i wish i could live in the fake world it would seem that my mind likes to create for me. at least there i am free from want. free from pain. i don't even matter anymore. i can't feel myself, and my body and i and are quite agreeable. much like being dead, i would think. only you can think and think and think. that's most all you can do, come to think of it. contrary to what some may say, i can talk. with much much concentration and movtivation and force of will. but i think i sound like a child though. it's nice to be in a place where i am not taunted, or tempted, but what i cannot have. these things sort of swirl all around me, in a sober world, and i'm constantly reminded of it. them. whatever. why should life be spent like this? always coming up short of the thing you want more than any other. having your needs just barely but not quite met. although, i guess that's the thing about needs. maybe, once you have them met you don't want them anymore. we can't ever be content with what we have can we. grass is always greener and such. i must get such things out of my damn head, before it makes me mad.
