"buy the ticket, take the ride."
I can no longer say, oh, but just a week ago, I was in Greece...
My life is constantly a measure of the present, in relation to what has happened to me in the past. And when. This isn't exactly a very positive means of living.
One of the most valuable aspects of being in Greece is that I was surrounded by a brand new crowd of people. Even the ones from here didn't know me well. It was fresh, a clean slate. That was exhilirating... knowing that people will only know what you let them know. It's funny, what I chose to let strangers know about me. Practically the opposite of people here would know. For instance, everyone on the project knows about my son. Yet, it wasn't until the first (of many) drunken card games that I let my inner pervert come out to play. Strange.
Before, making a completely new start all alone, would terrify me. Now, I'm impatient. Craving it. I'm counting on it.
The eternal packrat, I have actually being scoping my house, for things to throw away. Anything that can go: must. So, anyone who wants to come over and buy my stuff: do. All inventory MUST GO! I have had no qualms about just throwing piles of things into my trash. This is serious, y'all. David gets how serious it is. He should, he understands my tendancies to hoarde.
I'm feeling the urgent pressure of the need to leave. For keeps. And when it comes to the question of what I will take with me? The answer is nothing. It is time for a do over, and this time I am doing it over, right.
The littlest thing sends me over the edge. If I'm around folks, I can control it all. Sometimes. But if it's just me, things get weepy. Bad. And if my beads get cold, I get nervous.
