first of all:
click on mad live... best music in greece.
http://www.mad.tv/homepage/index.php
and, this is officially the first thing that has made me cry happy tears since i have returned, thus proving to a certain someone, i can indeed cry for happy reasons, since apparently:
"only you would worry about something making you happy."
right. what, does he think he knows me or something? sheesh.
just because i am utterly terrified at the slight possibility that i might very well have gotten myself in love with someone, but aren't really sure? nah.
Blake claims, if I read "The Other Side of Midnight" then i'll figure it out. so we'll see.... after i get done reading a book about prositution in antiquity. yeah.
"you are a wise woman, it is a shame you dress like a lebanese prostitute."
ahem. simpsons moment, forgive me.
perhaps something should be explained here. this started with me finally telling someone that, basically, things are very screwed up now. for example:
i do not want to live in athens.
i don't.
then why, i wonder, have i been looking at real estate in athens all week long? Near Plaka, specifically? eh? i'm suddenly not so...
anti Athens, apparently. In fact, i've even been thinking of her quite fondly as of late. well huh.
Perhaps, maybe, it is directly relevant to the fact that i'm hopelessly and utterly lost for
a particular boy who lives there. i had, recently, what the drunks and perverts call a "moment of clarity."
Sure, it occured when i happened to be fooling around with a certain american boy that i am pretty accustomed
to fooling around with, but it happened just the same. Some people might feel pretty suave
about being with multiple people in one week. Hell, i USED to feel suave about that sort of thing
when it was lucky enough to happen. eh. Not so much now. In fact, I feel pretty gross about it.
Anyone read the fountainhead? No, this isn't a trick to scold you, if you've not. Anyway, the main
female lead Dominique (my first french name in high school, tra la la), at one point is married
to some dude who she actually loathes. So, sex with him was mechanical and basically bad.
yeah. So, as i'm there with my palms face down, not touching this other person AT ALL, I am reminded
of that. i even thought of a particular line in the book during one of these palms down make out sessions.
if i can take this, i can take anything.
uh huh. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying. Literally. So, why i wonder,
does someone like me, who has a particular fondness for these sort of activities, suddenly
find herself unable to engage in said activities with someone whom she has in the past?
oh.
the greek.
oh, fuck.
you see the relevancy here? you see it??
Will someone please be a dear and buy me this?
http://www.skopelos.net/forsale/lavender/index.htm
i love the lavender house. I require the lavender house. Sure, it's not located anywhere NEAR where I'd like to live, and it's actually not even on mainland, it's a fucking ISLAND, but... it's so lovely.
So, the thing is, there's a good chance i'm just going to teach english over there. i remembered a language school in new korinth, coincidentally. but i owe doc anderson big for planting the idea in my head. since it's the quickest and easiest way to get in to whatever country you want.... jam! i knew i'd miss the hell out of him for some reason. as well as teaching me the naughty words in greek that i do know. (although i do believe i should know more.) that way, i'd have a steady "real job" for the main part of the year, and i'd be free to go and dig up old stuff in the summer for Dorati. this is what i want, and now that i know what i want, no fucking way will i not have it. that's just the kinda gal i am.
the crazy thing of everything now is that i am so so mellow about dillon's birthday. typically i'm practically on the edge of losing my mind, but not this weekend. mellow. cool. content. things have changed for the better and the new arrangement is working spectacularly. so. and i am indeed going to see him next weekend, which should be all kinds of interesting. i can't really make sense of the fact that i, I, my body, spewed a six year old. jesus god almighty, no wonder i feel so very old. SIX. but ye gods, he's beautiful.
my soon to be roommate is quite the sex addict. we will get along swimmingly.
i heart the cardigans:
Oh it�s healing bang bang bang
I can hear your canons call
You�ve been aiming at my land
Your hungry hammer�s falling
And if you want me, I�m your country
I�m an angel bored like hell
And you�re a devil meaning well
You steal my lines and you strike me down
Come raise your flag upon me
And if you want me, I�m your country
If you win me I�m forever, oh yeah
Cause you�re the storm that I believe in
And all this peace has been deceiving
I like the sweet life and the silence
But it�s the storm that I believe in
Come and conquer, drop your bones
Cross my borders and kill the calm
Bury your things and burn my winds
I hear bullets singing
And if you want me, I�m your country
If you win me I�m forever, oh yeah
Cause you�re the storm that I believe in
And all this peace has been deceiving
I need some wind to get me sailing
So it�s the storm that I believe in
You feel my heart you keep my breathing
Cause you�re the storm that I believe in
